It’s just shy of 2AM and I’m rocking my toddler back to sleep. JP has been going through a stage of night terrors and it’s almost impossible to get him back to bed after the experience. Of course, just like everything else in his life, we get the same response from friends: “It’s just a phase”.
But this phase is different than the many others that have kept me up at night because he can vocalize his thoughts now. JP has become a pro at putting small words together for big demands. After several failed attempts of putting him back into his crib, he stood up and clearly said, “Up Mama, Up!”
I have to admit, those little words pulled at my heart strings. In my opinion, It’s the closest he’s come at putting a sentence together. Simultaneously, it was utter joy and annoyance to hear at 2AM. On one hand, I feel so blessed to have this little human honor me with the name “Mama” and on the other hand I just want to crawl back into my own bed for some shut eye.
I’ve come to realize that Motherhood is a huge mix of extreme emotions for me. As annoyed as I am to be sitting here, struggling to put JP back to sleep, I love that I’m a Mom and wouldn’t trade it for anything. So tonight, let me have these warm fuzzy feeling about being a Mom. Tomorrow, when I can barely function like a normal human being, I’ll moan to my husband about the hardships of Motherhood. Then in my next breath I’ll start the topic of kid #2.
That’s been Motherhood for me so far — a muddled experience of mixed emotions where the good outweighs the bad. I’m so lucky that I get to experience ALL of it and God bless my husband for putting up with my many Mommy emotions.