I have always been a planner. Most people can’t grasp an idea when asked where they’ll be in 5 years, but I usually have a general idea. My major life moments have all happened according to my “timeline”. Obviously, I can’t play God, but I do my best to steer myself in the right direction according to my goals.
Running is the most obvious way I do that. I set a race goal which has a time frame and train to achieve that mile maker on my “timeline” (no pun intended). My most current goal is the WDW Marathon this January. Before forking out the cash to Run Disney, I thought about how marathon training would fit into my life. After much thought, it became a goal I had to achieve before baby #2.
Side note: I will deny planning a family around my Run Disney race schedule. Always.
I’m at the halfway point in my WDW Marathon training. While most runners are focused on the finish line. I’m also focused on the starting line: trying for baby #2. Before even writing this blog post, I announced to friends and family that we were going to start trying after the marathon. Which, we still plan on, but I didn’t realize how much pressure I put on myself.
I know it’s all in my head and nobody is truly pressuring me to have #2, but I put it on my master “timeline” which means it’s supposed to happen. That’s the downside of being a planner!
My son, JP, was very easily conceived and it everything seemed like such a breeze. I didn’t put any pressure on myself and it seemed only natural after several years of being newlyweds. But now I have fears of not being able to conceive and changing our family dynamic…
I LOVE our little family right now.
Most runners will be elated after they cross that finish line and wonder what race is next. I, on the other hand, will be happy and nervous about my next big adventure. I pray that God can alleviate some of my own pressures and we can conceive easily again, but I’m amazed at how different the idea of baby #2 already feels to me.
I know JP will adjust to being a big brother, my husband will be extremely helpful (as always) and that I will love baby #2 unconditionally. But after the marathon and (hopefully) baby #2, I’m done planning anything beyond Disney vacations and dinner.
I won’t be a planner anymore and I will leave it all up to God.